Hell is Not Hot- It’s Cold Up in Here: Climbing Out of a Trauma Wound

It’s cold in here. It’s dark and void of hope. The feeling is enduring and fading at the same time, while also reminding you of what has been lost and what may never be recovered. It is the memory of a dream that was ripped from your soul and replaced with a nightmare over which you have no control. But mostly, it’s cold and lonely. There is a climb that must take place in order to get out of this hole. It’s steep and exhausting and requires a grip so strong and a future-focused vision of knowing what’s at the end of this climb even if the ending is not seen at the moment. People think hell is hot, but warmth would be a welcome comfort in this hole. Because the only thing you’re met with is a chill, and the freezing feeling of a pain you can’t escape. Climbing up and out of this hole and back into life is painful; you have to feel your way through the darkness and reach for a handhold you can’t see while trusting that there is the footing for each step. This hole that so many of us find ourselves in is a trauma wound, and the trauma work that goes into healing this wound is the climb out--the climb back into our life, and back into our whole self.

What are Trauma Wounds?

Emotional and mental traumas are the result of profoundly stressful events that have disrupted your sense of safety and connection to the world around you. Typically, individuals are left feeling helpless, powerless, hopeless, and overwhelmed. Individuals are also left with painful memories and feelings that affect their life well after the trauma has ended. Physical traumas are unplanned injuries that can occur due to an accident or intentional act. Traumatic wounds are a type of sudden or unplanned injury that can occur after accidents or due to violence. These wounds can be anything from acute cuts to penetrating wounds. Physical trauma can lead to mental and emotional trauma given the experience of the individual surrounding the incident. The key thing to remember about trauma wounds is that they are real, they happen. It’s not ok to invalidate them as being small or insignificant, or something that “should be sucked up”. All wounds require healing; they require attention and care to properly heal. They require you to pay attention to your life and how you are living out this existence. Whether it’s an emotional wound or a physical wound, I as a therapist have never seen any wound heal completely without pausing and paying attention to an issue.

The Climb Back into Life:

Trauma healing is a journey, and emphasis must be placed on the process. The process of healing a trauma wound will be as diverse as the individual doing the work and will contain the following six elements: establishing safety, centering/grounding, building natural supports, embodiment, moving past fear, and reorientation to life.  

Establishing Safety:

When you have been traumatized, your sense of safety has been disrupted. Your boundaries have been damaged and need to be repaired. You can feel overwhelmed by your emotions, environment, and sensations in your body. This leaves you feeling unprotected and disconnected from your body and environment. To reestablish safety and connection, you will want to start your work with exercises that reconnect you to your body in a controlled way that involves you having a say in what is taking place. Building an understanding of sensation, tolerance, and setting boundaries for how you want to experience this is the foundation of reconnection to life. 

Centering and Grounding:

Centering and grounding are two of the most important skills we can learn to regulate our triggers and emotional disconnect. Trauma can pull the metaphorical chair out from under you, leaving you with a hard landing and confusion as to what just happened. Grounding and centering offer you tools to stay in the moment and reconnect to the present. The practice of both allows you to reestablish balance and gravity during very vulnerable moments.

 Building Natural Supports:

Building natural supports involves the development of internal and external resources to aid your well-being and is key to continued growth and stability in healing after trauma. Internally, we should nurture our strength, intelligence, spiritual practice, talents, and nervous system regulation. Externally, there is no “bootstrapping” your way into trauma healing; It requires a community and the support of people around you that are on a similar path as you. People who are willing to surround you with understanding and encouragement, easing your way forward along a path of internal and external support.

Embodiment:

Practicing the consciousness of being, existing in the present moment, and connecting to the sensations and “felt self” of our experiences can be both a comfortable and uncomfortable matter. This is the essence of reclaiming our life after trauma and finding the grip that allows us to climb out of that dark hole. Embodiment practices involve listening, touching, feeling, allowing, observing, and distinguishing these sensations from each other when triggered.  

Moving Past Fear:

Fear is the obstacle that keeps us paralyzed in our pain, and keeps us from taking that first grip or step to climb out of that hole. Fear keeps the trauma wound open and infected, convincing you that it can never heal. It tells you that your life will not get better, and peace is not available to you. Trauma leaves your nervous system dysregulated each time you experience a trigger that sparks a thought, feeling, or memory. Understanding yourself, connecting with your body, and accepting change can move fear away from your trauma healing process. The goal is not to eliminate fear which can be a safety mechanism to keep us alive but to have a say in the way we respond to it.  

 Reorientation to Life:

A wound can heal. If there is nothing you remember about trauma work, know that it is possible to heal. Stepping back into your life, a life in which you create the healing you need and have support to uplift you when necessary is possible. Reclaiming your life and your ability to choose is how the wound heals. Being intentional in the creation of the future you want while continuing to rest and nurture all the parts of who you are with love and respect keeps the process of healing continuously. Reconstructing an identity that is not built by your traumatic experiences, but by your resilience and choices.   

A wound is a wound; it can be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. There is frequently no choice in what happens to you, and trauma can happen to anyone. That can be a hard reality to accept as you try to make sense of the things you have experienced. You don’t have a say in how you are wounded, but you do have a say in how you heal. You have a say in how you climb out of that dark, cold hell, and what you want your journey to be as you step into the warmth of the light of life. Wounds can be healed, and scars will form as you create a new identity for a life of your choosing.  

You have a SAY in how you HEAL,

Dr. Tasha